Cwic Show- 'I Think You're My Brother' Family History and a DNA Test

'I Think You're My Brother' - Family History and a Revealing DNA Test '

Randy Lindsay couldn't believe his DNA test was true. It showed him a completely different ancestry. This 50 something year old's Genealogy work had just taken a hairpin turn and left him with an identity crisis.

-  What is family? Is it blood? Is it love?

-  DNA testing and Family History, Genealogy

-  How might this relate to the 12 Tribes of Israel?

-  Have you had your DNA test?

 

The Milkman's Son: A Memoir of Family History. A DNA Mystery. A Story of Paternal Love

 

http://www.ranthestoryman.com 

 

Podcast Links:

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cwic-media/id1428167000 

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3BNjs4EJqo0iK4LURdTPDb

 

I can't imagine I mean I tried to hear

but I can't imagine the identity crisis

well that's exactly it

so first I'm just I'm not sure what to

think it's overwhelming

[Music]

so Randy you've got a very unique story

right and maybe not so unique based on

the book as I've gone through it it

seems that this is something that's a

story of many people perhaps it is with

new technology with DNA testing there

are new truths that are found that never

would have been found by people before

and it brings in really as I was going

through your book it was it brings in

new complexities and new conflicts

yes dynamics so absolutely that a very

few people would have had before that

now because of this DNA testing has

really changed for a lot of people you

had an experience where you were you're

in your 50s where you had a DNA test

done and you had a surprise when you had

the DNA test results come back that's

right that's what happened at 57 I was

working on family history research for

the Lyndsey's and I couldn't go any

farther back than the immigrant who came

across so I knew he was from Ireland I

knew it was from the Ulster area of

Ireland William this is William who I

called the immigrant obviously that

wasn't his nickname back home William

the immigrant Lindsay and I just

couldn't find where it was located so I

figured the only way I was gonna find

that out is to take a DNA test maybe

hook up with other researchers who had

more information than I did on the on

the matter and then I took the test and

sent it in okay and I was 57 what I did

that so I mean you've got a

pretty strong identity of who you are

don't want yes absolutely I mean Here I

am here's my family this is who I am

yeah okay so what happens when you get

this what you were looking over

going through ancestry.com that is

correct

do they have their own DNA test that you

order from them they do okay so that's

where you got it

and what were the results what

happened is as you started going through

the

the results you talk about I haven't

done this so you talked about how these

results come through there's actually a

map that starts showing you where your

descendants are from or your ancestors

are from what tell me the layers here

and it started to unfurl as you receive

this DNA test bag right so right away I

go to map so what I'll do is they give

you a percentages of your ancestry so

for instance mine came back probably 43

percent English 30-something percent

German and some Norwegian in there and

then some Middle East

sorry Eastern Europe which was a

surprise that's not what I was expecting

it was a very large amount compared to

what I thought might come through based

on knowing all the family history and

I'm the historian for my family for my

mom's side of the family my dad's side

of family I'm the one who does all the

research I know all the names and I know

where they're from have you done that

before this DNA test if you already get

yes Emily

yes okay so right I mean it's only the

Matt going that comes in the percentages

are different I'm like that strange it

should be higher there should be more

Irish or their shoes well you'd already

gone back on your family tree I mean

where supposedly your ancestors

came from absolutely for I didn't match

and well some of the death so my mom's

side a lot of German a lot of Norwegian

that matched English I expected but

probably you know for a lot of us who

grew up in the United States we're gonna

have a high concentration of English

background and then right the Eastern

Europe no no that was not part of what I

was expecting so what did you start to

think I mean tell me the processes

you're starting to go down mentally here

what was your first thought well this is

wrong this is just odd that's odd how

could that be so I didn't think about it

but then I immediately started I moved

over to the family trees so one of the

things is you'll post your family tree

and then when the DNA comes up you can

see who matches your tree and then

for Navy because if they've gotten

further on their research and so that's

what he did so about half the trees I

didn't recognize a single name a single

family name anywhere on the tree and I'm

like you know there's something wrong

here

I mean I should know these things I know

everyone especially on a match it comes

across as what I thought was a first

cousin I would I should know all those

names or at least you know the ones

closest to my family line so in when you

get that DNA test so you've got one

thing you're given is a map right right

okay the other thing though that you're

pointing up now is that family tree it

starts tying you to actual individuals

yes that are at least how far out I mean

is it everybody I mean as far as it

the data provides or is it just

those that are closest to you it's rated

in centimorgans and so the more

centimorgans you share with an

individual generally the closer in

relation you are where's the centimorgan

that's the unit of measurement for

genealogy for how much DNA you share

together so I know that if I if you're

you know and I don't know another

numbers but if you have like 1,700 I

think that puts you in as like an aunt

and uncle nephew nice relationship and

you know what my numbers are probably

wrong biologist to give you an

exaggerated if you have that much you're

looking at that or a cousin or a first

cousin or a second cousin and on and

on and they'll trace it down to about

six seven organs which means they're

really far distantly related to you okay

so you start seeing people that should

be first cousins right it's telling you

first cousins and you have no idea who

these people are right well actually

it's actually said close relative to

first cousin but the only thing that

registered wanting to looked at it first

was first cousin okay because it wasn't

a first cousin no it was a brother Wow

there's a half brother half brother okay

so you see this so then what

starts going on in your mind

what do you where do you go for the I

mean obviously yeah obviously you're

intrigued you're maybe what's wrong here

I got to figure this out oh I was angry

you're angry

I was angry ancestry messed my tests up

I was so angry I got all of them and I

told them you messed up my make it I'm

not related to these people and I got a

response that no we did not make a

mistake you may want to consider other

options at this point on other options

on your thinking you may want to think

that maybe these people are really

related to you to figure out how okay so

what was your response to that like oh

they're wrong they're just making

excuses because they're a big company

they don't want their own liability

brought into a question and score

centers just gonna tell me that so what

did you do next I didn't do any failing

history full for a couple weeks till I

got an email or a message through

ancestry and this lady says I think

maybe you could be my brother and I'm

like no no no you're a crazy lady you're

you're not my sister I know all my

family and she sent me a picture of our

biological father from high school and I

just couldn't deny it anymore

that was that was him oh my goodness yes

he looks so much like me when I was at

that age too

okay so you see the pictures from

someone who says they're your sister

right I mean what you started

I mean again I can't I just you I can't

imagine it I mean I tried to here but I

can't imagine the identity crisis well

that's exactly it

so first I'm just I'm not sure what to

think it's overwhelming it's horrible

because I have this view of family I had

this idea of this is my family this is

where I belong in it these are the

people who belong to me and then all of

a sudden that changes all those people

still belong to me but now I have a

whole new

I don't tell you the one that bothered

me the most was I don't like the term

half-sibling mm-hmm

and so I'm the oldest so now I have the

siblings I grew up with a brother and

two sisters so though those are now half

siblings and then in my family in New

Jersey the new family with my biological

father I have a sister and two brothers

so they're half siblings and it feels

weird you feel

I mean it's wrong to think that but you

feel like you're half they're only half

a sibling the only half belonged to them

that it's not as strong or a good of a

connection as a family that you grow up

with full siblings and share the same

parents yeah because you're in a sense I

mean you're the only child of your

biological mother and father right my

Emma's subset all to myself and at first

you're wondering about it or at least I

am wondering about I'm thinking about it

I might right do I only matter half as

much what does it mean

so yeah you definitely ponder on it you

think about it and you feel that at

first and I would say that you know

that's not it's just not true so this is

something that really I wanted to talk

about so you have for over 50 years an

identity with your family right it's

built off of blood for the most part

right by experience and love and bonding

the exact time right you have kids they

have kids family gatherings you have

Thanksgiving Christmas you know the

whole shebang right right and then you

discover this that somehow what you have

lived your whole life you can't say it's

not real right it's not that it's not

real but it's real it's not exactly it's

not what you thought exactly it feels

like a lie in a sense right because you

you're thinking I am just like them

every bit - my mom and dad I'm their kid

and I fit in just in exactly the same

way that they do and it feels like a lie

no that's not true but that's what it

feels like at first

so did this protrude a depression or

what happens with this identity

crisis now I mean this is I know that

you end up going and visiting this new

family I do of yours but in the meantime

what what's going on there I mean it

well how are you feeling what is that

how does that I mean how does that

affect what you think about yourself I

mean even your own kids and etc well

this is a second marriage for my wife

and I and so I'm in a situation where I

have a child from the first marriage I

have her children we have children

together and we have two adopted

children so I was fortunate to be able

to look at the situation from that point

of view and so I have these children and

I love my children and it doesn't matter

as much where they came from whether

they were from you know my first

marriage or with my wife together

or it whether they are the adopted

children I love them and so I did have

that too drawn okay so so that I knew

for my own experience that you know you

just love your children and it doesn't

matter their origin mm-hmm

so that that helped for me yeah it

wasn't so much depressed well I was

depressed I loved the idea of being a

full brother right but I I wasn't I know

that I would really say to press as much

I was more worried about how I was going

to tell my dad that I grew up with and

my siblings that I was only a

half-brother and then I wasn't my dad's

biological son I was worried about that

so how did that go good and bad so they

they were great they said we have we

don't care it doesn't matter to us

you've grown up with us you're still or

goofy brother or you know my dad didn't

say that my dad just say yeah you're

still my son I've always loved you I

love you still it doesn't matter

thank my dad said what a hoot but they

they had an

all we have the milkman son the milkman

so why was that because I don't look

like them so my siblings are thin

and blonde and pale skinned and I am NOT

I had dark hair when I had color in my

hair and I'm hefty and I know I'm better

with the Sun I can sit out in the Sun

all day and I get sunburned where's all

there are some they get horribly toasted

in the Sun okay so there were

differences there yeah so you so

you end up telling your siblings and

what was their reaction they laughed

okay so let's specify exactly what's

happening here you basically your dad is

not your biological dad right right

how did that affect you I mean if they

laughed about it they they're kind of

adjusted a little bit with you that

you're the milkman son but it made me

mad it made you mad sure of course

um while they think it's very funny all

these years to call me the milkman son

it hurts my feelings

mmm it makes me feel that I don't fit in

they're pointing out my differences from

them and how I don't belong to them

they're just teasing I'm teasing with me

like siblings do so when they left when

it came true and then I'm like what's a

fight that's not funny

or like it is so funny because it's true

mmm it turned out to be true that makes

it even more funny than when we just

used to tease you I'm like no it makes

it worse so would it upset me that they

thought that it was still funny but they

would say it doesn't matter it's funny

because it turned out to be true but it

doesn't change how we feel about you all

this does is give you more family let's

go back to the discovery on this a

little bit you have your sister online

telling you that she's your sister right

sending you the pictures again back to

the process of this unfolding to you

when did you when you saw the pictures

is that when you knew that you had or it

wasn't like okay this looks like it

might be true I mean why did you really

know the picture of my dad in high

school when they sent that to me I just

I just couldn't tonight there was just

such a strong resemblance obviously this

had to be my biological father and then

I looked at the pictures of the siblings

and I and I showed them to my family and

my friends and which they all laughed

they thought it's pretty funny because

yep that's your dad just you can tell

and then I look at my siblings and they

look very similar to me so all of a

sudden I go from a family where I really

don't look very much like anyone except

except with my mother's I mean some

difference some similarities with my

mother but no one else and now I'm with

a family that I look like most of them

all these years I kind of felt out of

place I'm the odd one I act differently

than the rest of them I look differently

from the rest of them

I always did feel kind of out of place

and to finally be connected with a

family where I look like the rest that

felt really good

okay so now you're in a position where

you've got two families to fill you look

at it I do okay so you have two families

you correspond with your new sister I

do then with a new brother yes Joe Joe

and you end up planning a trip I do and

so is it you and your wife that go out

there we do it was a our 20th

anniversary we had already planned to go

out and visit a couple of the children

so we have a son in Arkansas we have a

daughter in Florida and we were gonna go

out there because when we were married

our honeymoon we went out to Florida so

it was kind of a that would be nice this

time we'll go out to Florida and see one

of her children but it was very much

like her honeymoon trip when we were

first married okay then you go up to is

it New Jersey New Jersey okay so you go

so you plan on your do you meet

everybody at this meeting everybody at

this time I do I'm you everybody's there

what are you thinking as you're driving

to the home oh how I hate meaning new

people and I'm gonna be in the middle of

all these people who are family but I

don't know them and what's it gonna be

like I mean it's gonna go well or is it

not gonna go well and we're gonna show

up and as my biological father are gonna

say now get out of here I don't want you

here or I mean it's are you gonna accept

me I already know that Tammy my sister

and Joe my brother

they've already accepted me I've been

talking with them for months so I know

they're all good with it but still it's

just so nervous

hey these this is family and I'm gonna

meet him for the very first time yeah so

horribly nervous about it and I mean

how you avoided being awkward I mean

it's awkward it is and you know

what made the difference was I will say

my stepmother made the difference

some of my biological father's wife she

is a chatter box and she is fun and she

came out and just rushed up and gave me

a great big hug and right at that point

I feel all that tension go away because

if anyone's gonna have a problem with me

it would be her because this is the

child of her husband that has nothing to

do with their family but she was great

about it and then yeah the siblings all

came out and they gave me they gave me

hugs and then finally my dad came out

and he gave me exactly Ryan's gonna be

happy or is he gonna be tentative and I

gotta tell you that I get he came out

and he gave me probably the biggest hug

of my life I've ever had and I could

just literally feel the love flow from

him into me and at that point I wasn't

nervous anymore

this was family I was in the middle of a

family so this is again going back to

the point of what his family

it is very interesting you don't know

your biological father you haven't known

him for over 50 years you didn't know he

even existed

right and yet there is an intrinsic

feeling that could give either elation

or insecurity with meeting him yes being

accepted by him even though he had

nothing to do with bringing you up

great why do you think that is I

personally think that there is a bond

that goes well beyond what we think I

mean so I do talk about loving my

stepchildren as my children and our

adopted children as our children but I

think that there's also a bond that we

are just naturally driven to find family

if we don't know them meet them get to

know them there's just that bond that is

a part of us it's a natural part of us

that we can't escape so at this point

then Randy what how would you define

family that family is those we love and

who love us I mean it's just that simple

it doesn't get more complicated than

that all that worry about are they half

siblings or they stepchildren or they

adopted children but that doesn't matter

what matters is that you love them and

they love you

okay so and that's again that's your

experience with your the dad that

brought you up correct right but that's

the opposite experience of what your

biological father was I mean now it's

different but before you met him it was

the opposite right it was the right I

have no love for him he hasn't love for

me as far as you know just because

there's no knowledge of it right and

there's no experience together there is

no known bond maybe there is some other

bond that right there saying that we

don't know but you have then a I

mean I'm looking at do you say your two

dads I don't know I called the man

raise me I called my dad and then I

called my biological father or father or

usually when I'm talking to people but

when I'm out there I'm talking with him

I just refer to him as dad and when I'm

talking with Tammi and showing the rest

of the miniatures and just refer to him

as dad okay so so you have these two

examples of a father that raised you and

loved you and brought you up that is

your dad right I mean how do you not

have that is that your dad he is my dad

and yet you have a biological father

who is also my desk your dad right and

so when we talk about what is family

what does that mean I I just think it's

very interesting that the biological

side it almost and you know I'm not

saying it's more important it's not more

important I mean the most important

thing is the love really honestly right

is the most important thing but there's

something there oh there is there is

something there from the biological side

that drove you to want to meet the

family that drove you want to want to be

accepted by them even though there was

no experience between you and no I mean

no other bond except a physical bond

that you found out all right you know I

think that there's more of a bond maybe

that we just don't understand it's

definitely a bond there maybe it's a

bond that transcends our experiences

here so maybe I can kind of give

an example of that so yeah I mean so my

dad who raised me I learned many things

from him right he taught me my values my

you know work hard and do the right

thing and treat people well I mean so

all these things I learned from him from

my experience in spending time with him

he he's a great storyteller it's also

learned my storytelling skills from him

and then I go I meet my biological

father in New Jersey and I find out that

we have so many similarities okay so

here's a man that I have

never seen never imagined I mean never

seen before that in time never imagined

that he was there and there are so many

traits I talking with the family out

there and I find out that when he was

young he used to draw pictures of aliens

and monsters and dinosaurs that's what I

used to do in this little right and it

was odd for me in my day and age to have

a kid doing that I can only imagine what

it was like for him during you know when

his period when he's growing up and had

it been even more odd so I've got this

similarly and then I find out that he

does some writing so what he'll do is

he'll read through the Bible and he'll

write little take off when he takes

from away from the scriptures in the

Bible he'll kind of rewrite and put a

little pamphlet together on that and all

of a sudden I'm seeing that my journey

as a writer sent from both of them so I

get this storytelling ability from the

dad that raised me

and I get the actual interest in wanting

to write from my biological father my

dad raised me he's that has no interest

in writing book never yeah would never

never write about and doesn't have the

skills to do it amazing storyteller so

vocally an oral story he's awesome right

and so yeah I'm a blend of both of those

mm-hmm

all right and to me it's amazing to see

that so if we have that connection with

a family member that we don't know

there's so many traits that are part of

me that make me different from the

family that I grew up with there's got

to be more to it then there's got to be

more to it right connections we share

things without knowledge of sharing

things absolutely yeah

did you really think about changing your

name no no it's Petrovsky and we get

horribly hard to spell and renounce

so I did not think about it I mean I

thought about it but it was always no

yeah I'm trying to break into writing

and

that just doesn't fit well on the cover

and it will also be a slap to my dad

that raised me

I'm a Lindsay that's where I've

always been I'm gonna say Lindsay okay

and it didn't help that really my

biological dad is not a Petrowski so

when he was my age he found out that his

dad was not his biological father so

again it's your situation is not as

unique as people think it might be no

it's not unique at all during the

writing process and the publishing

process so the last two years people ask

me when I'm writing or they'll talk

about what books coming out next so I'll

talk about it I would say 80% of the

people I talk to they have a story that

happened to them

that's like mine or it happened to their

parents or a cousin or a close friend

but I mean I don't keep track of the

numbers per se but I would guess it to

be about 80% that's a huge percentage of

people that are in a situation similar

to mine so that brings up question going

into family history on this what is I I

I'm not proficient with family history

I've done a little bit of it I'm

privileged in the sense that I have

parents and uncles and aunts that have

done an immense amount of family history

work and but as I go back and I look

through you go back and you see these

examples right if you see another wife

or another husband or a different

biological father where you start

tracing this back which by the way DNA

testing is probably going to alter some

of those trees I would imagine first

absolutely you know but you see this

going back how do you see the DNA

testing affecting family history

well it's kinda it's gonna complicate it

could you have to add more of more

people look is gonna have to have here's

the wife but she's not related to the

children so you have to have that but

they have that in there already

so you can list the record and show that

a person's been married to these

individuals and then you can list which

children belong to which Union so that's

already part of the probe a software and

program that they do well what do you

mean belong to what Union well so for

instance now on my family tree it's

gonna show my mom and dad married right

and then there's gonna be a sub tree

where it shows that I have a different

father not that they were married but

that my actual father is someone else

and that tree that subtree of your

biological father will go back and back

and back and back just like all the

rhythm correct so in a sense all of us

somewhere certainly probably several

times have these sub branches so

absolutely that are going back oh yeah

and so it just brings up the thought

that you know it's not usually the thing

you think about when you think about

doing tough work and you think about

doing your genealogy because I mean at

the root of genealogy if we look at the

word it's about genetics right right

it's your biological ancestors and yet

it's just how does that sealing all work

you know hi and then I'm all going to

work I mean you have that situation I

mean you've got a father a dad that

raised you and loves you and then you've

got a biological father and so it's just

it is confusing and so I'm gonna throw

something out here that's gonna be

applicable to the LDS is so my

patriarchal blessing talks about that

I had made a covenant with my parents

for them to be my parents and I am

absolutely convinced that that is the

dad who raised me mm-hmm

so that whatever happened between my

mama by my biological father my dad

stepped in and made everything the way

he was supposed to be so you're you are

you sealed your father I am NOT your dad

you're not I'm not but I would like to

be sealed to the man erased right okay

yeah that's interesting okay I mean and

that's understandable it's completely

understandable but again as you're

building out a family tree there it has

nothing to do with genetics right

absolutely that point well then we can

look at the children that are adopted

and so there were my nephew's children

so they're part of the family so the

dynamics change so my sister was used to

be their grandmother now she's the app

and it was kind of confusing for them

but right being sealed another thing how

does that going to work I mean I would

hope that you know it seems messy yeah

very much I mean you were taught here

that the family is everything right as a

little center of you know you have

marriage and then you have family these

are the center units of the gospel and

but it's messy that's because we

have a really great talent of being able

to mess things up as imperfect humans we

know that we had a perfect plan coming

down and yeah it just did not survive

contact with the Nvidia's they so say

well maybe it's part of the plan though

in a sense I mean I don't know I mean

maybe it's a matter of like genetics are

important in some ways I mean you know

we have a whole talk about the tribes of

Israel and Manasseh Ephraim and you know

etc but in the end right as far as

gathering Israel it's bringing

everybody in right and maybe

that is kind of a parallel to a family

unit Friday in God's family looking

everybody you're bringing in the

Gentiles you're bringing in the Jews

you're bringing in the lost truck you

know you bring everybody in so maybe

that's a parallel to some degree how

close are you now to this new family of

yours obviously not as close as I am to

the family that I was raised with but I

email my sister and I'll text or call my

brother Joe don't have as much contact

with Bill and my biological dad my

biological parents don't do very much

social media so really i canna send

messages through my sister to them

mm-hmm and for you now do you feel

settled with everything I do you do did

that take a while how long has it been

it's only been three years so you know

and I felt pretty settled for about a

year year and a half I adopted to this

adapting sorry adapted to this pretty

quickly mm-hmm I mean once it came out

and it's probably about a six-month

period where I had to really work

through this situation in my mind and

eventually come to it and then meet them

and see that I was really really was a

part of their family and then Justin did

what my sister said it says you have

more family let's not be unhappy about

that that's great you got more family

just accept it and I have so now I have

more family it's harder to see the

family New Jersey because that's a long

distance away and that obviously has an

effect on it I continue to be able to

meet with my family here in Arizona

because they're close by and I can get

to the birthday parties and the

celebrations that they have and the

family in New Jersey is much harder for

me to do that looking back at everything

just based on the way you're talking I'm

guessing that you're very happy you

found out oh I am

the biggest one biggest relief for me is

that I feel that I belong I think I've

mentioned that before so I get out there

and in the family I grew up with I'm

kind of the emotional oddball the rest

of family is not that way I'm more

sensitive than they are and so I get out

into New Jersey and I fit in with them

they tend to be more on the sensitive

side like I am so instead of feeling odd

and left out in that sense I feel part

of it that I feel that I belong I I

don't feel that something's wrong with

me because I'm different from my

siblings okay so you're different from

your siblings you grew up with you're

more like the siblings that you found

Ryan

but again the experiences with the

siblings that you don't fit with as well

less experience on the other side

exactly do you know of examples where

let me I'm sure there's examples were

some people it doesn't work out very

well right I mean they do they find a

new family and it just it just doesn't

work out very well for them sometimes so

my brother Joe his wife had that

happened so when it was on New Jersey I

discovered that we're talking and she

brings up her own experience which is

that she found out probably 14 that are

personal yeah which is 14 years old that

her what she thought was her dad was not

her biological father and that person

was not kind to her and then she looked

for her biological father and he did

want to have anything to do with her so

that would also was not a good situation

it was very tough for her and for her

she found family with my brother's

family I mean our family so the Charles

Keyes when she married my brother she

became part of a family and that's her

family and that's who she identifies

with now so through marriage she now has

family yeah well like I said I mean

sometimes I think it's gonna work out

really well sometimes it might not

work out so well it's kind of like when

you make your dad I mean what if he

didn't handle it very well what it's a

growing heart for him or again

very awkward situation at least at first

because he didn't know right he had no

idea he had no idea he had come back

from New Jersey and for whatever reason

my mom did not tell him again so he did

not know his complete surprise to the

whole family I mean they had known that

he was in Phoenix for a while and so it

made more sense to them than it did to

me because I'm like this guy's of New

Jersey why would I have a dad in New

Jersey sure yeah

what would you a couple things what

would you recommend to people that are

they go through that situation because

there's gonna be people to listen here

that I've either already gone through

that or the will and they discovery

they're very close or maybe a

second-level

family member or cousin uncle whatever

what do you recommend as far as how to

approach that with the understanding

that not everyone's gonna accept you in

those situations not everyone's gonna be

accepted they may be embarrassed by what

they did in the past but I just got back

from rootstock so I spent a week in

route stack telling people about my book

and then the great thing about that is I

hear their stories so the last week I

probably heard a hundred stories about

people who made a discovery so many of

them have very happy experience with it

they meet people and it might not always

be the parents a lot of cases their

parent didn't want to meet them but then

they meet their siblings who do want to

meet them because the siblings don't

care about the drama that was involved

with for whatever reason that they're

not with the parent and the child or not

together the other siblings don't care

about that most on most of the time so

there's a great connection with family

members somewhere along the line then

there's also a sense of knowing who you

are

I know who I am much better now that I

met my biological father and I I don't

feel odd and out of place because of

that and I think it's worthwhile for

that reason as well to make sure you get

to know that your family

well isn't that a part of you being

settled like you talked about yes yes

you feel settled with that because again

that also could go a different way

but that is interesting too because your

identity is more settled yeah even

though you have two separate families

absolutely right you would think that I

would just be more confused and I would

continue to be confused but because

there are people now that that I can see

that they have the same traits that I

have that I'm not an eyeball that has

really helped me feel better about

myself and son of me so I'm still he was

totally worth it and then also I would

counsel people take this test I mean is

it really worth I mean you're worried

about it maybe it might not turn out

okay it might not turn out but do you

really want to risk a great relationship

with people that you love just because

it might not work out I mean that just

doesn't make sense I mean I'm really

glad that this happened I wish I was in

New Jersey I mean I'm not actually gonna

move into New Jersey stuff my siblings

are in Arizona I'm not gonna move to New

Jersey but it would be awesome to be out

there and participate in this Sunday

family dinner cause every Sunday they get

together they're in a very small town

and they have family dinner and that

would be so amazing to be able to do

that every week I'm getting back to this

idea of family between genetics and love

and experience and it's like both matter

yes both matter and it’s kinda like this what if

you went and you met your father your

biological father and he didn't accept

you see even if the relationship was

different it's going to affect you

crying right that would affect you even

though you have no bond

with him it would it would affect it

would affect you I mean I would affect

me it would affect anybody right I mean

I'd be sad I'd want that I wouldn't want

I wanted him to accept me and I from

what all the people I've talked to

during the last couple years that's what

they want they have a biological parent

out there and I'm not saying that they

want a new parent so most of them they

have two parents they grew up with and

they're very happy especially if they

were adopted they love those parents

those are their parents but they still

would like to meet and be accepted by

their biological parents there's an

incredibly strong desire to have that

happen why now I can't answer that one I

don't know why you just it's just there

it's a part of us it is just a natural

part of us I mean you're gonna you're

gonna have to ask the Lord about that

one that is just not that's above my pay

grade

there's a lot of reasons to have your

DNA tested I mean I definitely encourage

people to take DNA testing and do that

during roots Tech I had a lot of people

be able to respond I mean I only had a

couple ideas of why you should do that

but several people talked about it we

need to have a bigger picture I mean so

we're a lot of times where people are

not wanting to take their DNA testing

because they're worried about the

reaction right they're focusing on their

small circle their world Irv's small

circle but this affects so many people

it affects our extended family that are

alive now

it affects outside our extended family

it affects future generations we need to

not be selfish about it and we need to

think that this is something that's

going to help a lot of people and we

just need to do it and then keep our

fingers crossed that I'll be as

fortunate as mine or or that there's no

surprises at all so that's something I

definitely want to tell people I really

want to encourage it this whole journey

for me

has left me wanting to be an advocate

for DNA testing mm-hmm so everything

together I'm definitely want to

encourage people to do it and yes it

might not there's now lost on that

typically I mean 23andme and

ancestry.com I mean one hundred and

fifty dollars or so know they have cells

all the time for like fifty dollars for

home I might have even seen one at forty

so that it's not expensive it's very

reasonable and how long does it take mmm

you order it they sent it to you so that

takes I don't to three weeks you spin

into a tube or swab your cheek that

doesn't take any time at all you mail it

back and they when I sent it and they

talked six to eight weeks and it turned

out to be more like 12 to 14 weeks okay

so it takes few months yeah it's um

overall before you before you find out

but again it is kind of I think it's

an important thing and you're inspiring

me to do it and my wife I think we need

to do it but I think it is you know

there's something about family history

and whether you're looking at the

branches of your actual genetics or

those that help form the lives of those

individuals and had that bond of love

and experience with them you can't help

but find out more about yourself

absolutely even if there aren't any

surprises you know if there are no big

surprises you can't help but find out

more about yourself and who you are and

how we're tied together you know the

father's turning to the children the

children turning to the fathers it's

just it's a big part of our identity and

is realizing how we got here both

genetically and whoever else might have

been involved in in setting up our

values and our culture and everything

else so I think it is a very important

thing your book is the milk man's son

yes and is that out yet it is it is okay

where can people find they can find it

desert bookstore if you have one near

you you can find it on Amazon Barnes &

Noble all the regular channels all the

regular channels as pretty what yeah

it's a pretty big distribution okay well

Randy Lindsay I appreciate you coming in

and talking to us and good luck with a

book well thank you and yeah I'm gonna

go get my DNA things yeah

see then I have succeeded I wrote that

book in the hopes that I could convince

people to do that if I can affect one

person

 

 

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